Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
