did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize