Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize