I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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