Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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