Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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