lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
