my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
