I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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