I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
