So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
