We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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