Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
