true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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