she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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