I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
