i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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