i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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