I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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