Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
