Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
