So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
