where am i from again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
