I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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