doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
