yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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