Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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