Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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