I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
