at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
