She went from zero to smokin in five shots
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
