I bet he comes in French.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
