Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
