I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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