What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
