just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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