I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
