Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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