Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
