Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
