I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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