Small penises have feelings too.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
