Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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