It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
