that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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