3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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