Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
