When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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