ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize