1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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