Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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