My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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