Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
