So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
