I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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