I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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