he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize