so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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