my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize