The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
