apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
