You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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