Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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