there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
