omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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