I skipped work to stalk him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
