All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
