The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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