that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
